Up in air.

So Phuket has been and gone.
If it does one thing, it confirms my happiness this year. The year of change. That things will be obscure and unusual. The new people I met, the talks Ive had, things Ive seen and words Ive heard, has altered me the slightest; to be me. A little more me then I was.
Phuket was real fun, and made me appreciate Asia, before my opinion of it was narrow and bleak They are good people with a hard life, working their days FOR tourist- 24/7- for tourist to eat, play, dance and sleep. I felt selfish, coming here to enjoy myself on their constant labour. I get so mad when life isn't lived, but for them its the only life they can live. Its never-ending, hard and degrading. Begging for money to feed their family, but never being with their family because they need to work for it.
Australia had legislation trialed for longer shopping hours....these people never had a choice, even if legislation was to be passed- the tourist shop till late, and wake up early- as do they. It was sad to see wasted lives dedicated to making money. Money, money, money! God, how I resent that idea, it steals lives, corrupts souls and creates greed; and without it the world couldn't function- fancy that.

I was glad to see that there wasn't so many stray dogs there too- unlike Mauritius. Self-centred it may be to not want to see them KNOWING they are out there, if not here then another place- it just kills me to see animals abused, alone and being completely disabled from helping them. Making them happy. The little I saw were surprisingly well-fed, and when Melanie and I tried to feed it a meal, it didn't seem too eager, I would like to think its because other have already fed it.... or maybe that's me being naive.
There was one dog however, in the middle of the nightlife, with idiotic drunken tourist spinning around it, prostitutes parading through, and horny, perverted men scrounging for their next meal, pushing it away. There it was. The dog looked beautiful, like it would fit perfectly in a suburban home life, with a tire swing and children running to it after school, happy to see it jump. But there it was. Limping, urinating on itself and sad, it was the worse feeling in the world. To be physically able to help it, feed it, comfort it- excite its energy and warm its poor wounded heart, but also to not be able to. Through all the chaos and noise I walked past it, turning my back to a soul in need. I haven't stopped thinking about its sad-looking face for days- god crying as I type! Its just that feeling, that horrible regretful feeling, where you make up scenarios in your head, ones where you did the good thing, and satisfied that sickening feeling burning in your stomach, like you turned your back on a life- for what? for who? My friends would have tried to stop me, people would have yelled at me for touching a stray...but so what! I would have HELPED someone, someone that would find it more grateful than any of those stupid people around it. But I walked. I walked past it and never saw it again.

Ignorance is bliss, but it isn't justice.
I always thought I was strong enough, enough to try, to not be complacent and BE ACTIVE. Disappointment in yourself feels sooo bad; and a blog post doesn't even things out.