Nothing changes around here

So the holidays ended and the study began.

Force to return from the bush, a land of solitude and bliss. The people there are unknown and different. No Chisholm. No stupid teenagers. No structure. No expectations. Freedom of an unusual kind, but freedom nonetheless.


You can supringly change in an instant.
To change perspective and feel more alive just through thoughts. The mind is a powerful thing and even more perfectly, cannot seperate reality from imagination. Does this mean this gives hope to dreams, or crashes their reality, since it's all an illusion? Day dreaming is just a filler, till your life seems worth not day dreaming. The whole 'reality is better then a dream' concept.

Well, I will try new things Kasia! I will take oppurtnities and take in every breathe of today, the wonderful age of seventeen. Before your childhood dissapears be alive, at an age where parents are still held responsible for all the cuts and bruises.

'The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.' - Shakespear, Ceasar.

I hate how Im the only person stopping myself from being completely happy. No, not a little happy or satisfied- truly, eternally and inescapably happy- in every respect! I know I can do it, to let go of fears, be strong, act as if you want it as if your worth it! Its a little funny how I can be so angry and fed up, yet here I am, the only human being stopping it. Wow Kasia, your fabulous- thumbs up to you! Everytime you hate today, please, do look in the mirror.....


So Im sitting here, a little stressed, a little agitated, a little angry at myself. Listening to The Smiths and hoping tomorow Ill grow up.

Ive encrypted all my problems in this blog so discretely, Im confusing myself.
I think I need to get out of this house and find people who think Im beautiful, it just so happens to be, im extremley tired, and think I might go to bed first.

K.