A month of selfish, a life of selfless.

Let it be, and then it will be done. THEN I can convince my self worthy of life; live life, share life and influence life.

THE LOVE ENERGY

How do you explain it, the enduring myth of heaven?
If not a place then a state of presence, of goodness, of purity.

It floats consistently throughout time.

A doctor, exceedingly skilled in their line of work. They can do everything right. Perform a surgery perfectly and use every human ability given to them to save that patient; yet they die. In charge of healing bodies...an appointed vocation to help those in need, and yet, doing everything IN THEIR POWER patients still die. It is true, that people will die on circumstances unknown, but how do we humans explain the unexplainable?

An exterior motive of death can be concluded as one directed by a higher power, a strong force, universal or mythical, that connects to each individual on a spiritual plane that we each possess (some more in touch with it then others) . This energy helps us fulfill our destiny, one that a doctor, in this case, will be misguiding us from. Its not to say death in its most vague persona is a destiny. Death has been regarded by many cultures as a rebirth, or a spirit realm or a nature cycle. It is in this way that death might be just "your life" part II. That when alive on this earth you lived well, accomplished some, found meaning and helped several. When you die you will live spiritually, guiding your loved ones, continuing to help on Earth, stirring motives and igniting passion. Or maybe, maybe you will die and return as a child. Pure and free, ready to live life again, a little better then last time. Help more, chose wiser and live happier. Born within or near a previous kin, or maybe an entire new community. You might still have some of the same annoying habits, or similar thoughts as you once did. Your pudgy body, pale skin and green eyes might have changed, but that is not a change of significance, a body is a body, your soul is the only thing you truly possess in the end. Indeed some have acquired a belief in nature as whole, and rich human once, a family dog the next, and a beautiful chestnut tree to come. In each life you exceed spiritual levels, progress to higher planed of wisdom, knowledge, purity and love.

Notice a "God" or a "heaven" has not been mentioned. I believe it is inaccurate to discard the above theories, and as been told by society, believe in a God. A God is that is the initiator of the beloved Bible. The God where death is inevitable, and heaven is for good, and hell is for the bad. The End.

The idea that we are born into this world, endure "life's struggle" then die. ..and if bad the human burns for an eternity in a room of fire. ..however if relatively A.OK! well then, then the human will proceed to a cloudy palace. They will be welcomed by dead loved ones, and in that body and mind given to human at birth, human will eat abundantly and drink OJ with God, Jesus and the whole biblical gang for ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever... you get the point.

First of all, 21st Century "Orange Juice" is full of preservatives, packaged in toxic plastic, labelled with dead and mutilated trees, full of sugar and consumed with the underlying motive to MAKE SOME FUCKING MONEY. To believe man was born to die, and man lives to die, to then sit by a heavenly poolside drinking mohitas for all eternity, as a reward for painful living..well seems as, if not more, outlandish then the belief in 'reincarnation' and a 'spiritual afterlife' ESPECIALLY because there has been credible proof of humans who have tapped into their previous life/lives. As well as many more prominant examples of spirits or "ghost" encounters. Psychics who can REALLY feel the earth's energy, and are receptive to spirits around them and around others are the true evidence, not the bible. Undeniable stories that can quite strongly, by people free of stubbornness and ignorance, can conclude IN THE LEAST, that when you die you do not leave Earth forever, you do not rot in the ground and that'll be the end of it- AND you do not just own a mind and a body. ...You own a soul, a powerful receptive spirit and the gift of LIFE- an opportunity to be good, do good and BECOME A BETTER SOUL, not a better body, not a smarter mind, but a PURE and WISER ....SOUL.

Whether one believes in a God (one Creator of all things) or simply a universal energy that guides and loves EVERYTHING (yes the animals WE eat, the plants WE destroy, the rocks WE dig up and the air WE pollute) is a personal choice, and to a degree, irrelevant in fulfilling individual destiny; that is to find real happiness and reach ultimate purity.

Many talk about life purpose in the happiness sense, and acquiring like the Buddhist, 'enlightenment' and purity (being truly good). The truth goes as far as there will ALWAYS be bad people, and evil vs. good will persist. Yes I too believe we need to realise happiness is not materialistic, transient and reliant. Humans need to find real happiness in love, experience and accomplishments. Of course worthy accomplishments that are again, not materialistic, transient and reliant. However human purpose can be almighty. We are able to help and educate and create ourselves. As one learns more of real happiness, and realises life is so much more then acquring a house, a good job, boat cruizes and bikini waxes, then they are spiritually superior to others. It is now their purpose to HELP others. SUPPORT friends as well as strangers. To NEVER turn their back on evil, fight it head on. A human drug addict is lost. Angry, violent, dark and maybe unwilling, but he is lost. Ohh how lost he is. Their MIND and BODY has taken over. The spirit is hindered and shunned, a scared soul is hidden, and whether the demanding MIND and BODY wants, this human relys on support and help from others- spritually superior or suddenly elightened- they need to help this human progress to higher stages. Help them find their spirituality, their happiness and wisdom, so they can become truly happy and pure. It is the RELATIONSHIPS and intimate connections between HUMANS within themselves and then with nature, that innately guides our spirits in accomplishing our purpose. We recieve hints and through our common sense, vaguely understand LIFE, but society is constructed in such a way that it BLINDS us from our purposes and MAKES life a confusing and conflicting struggle.
It might take, according to believers, many life forms for a human to realise this and then to achieve this. Each life learning more, progressing, or maybe retreating, and losing the battle of good vs. evil, and taking longer to achieve ultimate purity. Purity in the sense of HOW MAN WAS TO BE. Good, loving, giving, intuitive, a creator and a perfect part of a beautiful machine that is THE WORLD. From the endless ocean to the cited ant. Earth a breathing, living organism that hosts every element and finds a role for every star and dust mite. HUMANS are not a 'main element' as we like to think. Yes we are a crucial element, but so are insects and sand. We are equal and designed to fulfill our roles. It is not to say these roles are determined and we have no free will. We (as we have done) and diverge from these roles. It is THESE PERFECTLY DESIGNED roles given to us however, that bring us great joy, perfect knowledge, pure being and eternal happiness. We are not here to be born and die, we are here to LIVE WONDERFULLY.

To Live wonderfully was the plan. However, through clothes, wars and currency WE have DEVELOPED a role that now relies on life's struggle and we are in need of REALISATION and SPIRITUAL EDUCATION, that may take many lives to reach. Some say when you reach this you are then a spirit and can guide from above. Be those who connect with so-called "psychics" to help and guide others, now that they have reach purity themselves.

It is important that we do not discard our spirtuality. A powerful element that every human posseses.

It should be noted however, it is more often believed nowadays that there is no heaven, and no hell. There is here. There is a spirtual plane where invisible energies and souls subsist. They live among us, and the most crucial human misunderstanding is location. Death to some is a myth, to some is another life. The "other side" is around us, we can feel it if we try, can see it if we open up and can help us if we let it. It is all closer to us than we think.

Don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing gonna be all right : )

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou )

I was losing it, losing myself. Questioning and tricking my mind with the materialistic compositions of our society. I forgot who I was, because I kept looking for something Ive already found.

It is no longer my need to find, but to embrace, to love; to enjoy.

I have a gift of life... of freedom- and most importantly KNOWLEDGE of my freedom. Freedom that is not exercised by the right to vote or being able to buy my own alcohol; allowed to club or drive a car. Freedom of a different kind. A beautiful kind.

I forgot what it meant to breathe fresh air in the forest, and meet people who light your soul on FIRE. Uni, work and stress had collapsed my vision and made me lose sight of myself. It was all paper and money and blahhblahh.....I just forgot. Im so sorry Kasia. Even the realisation of this has been me smile with joy! I blog when Im full of emotion, and right now, I am FULL of emotion, anticipation, excitement and hope. ....So I guess its the right kind of emotion ;)

There are people in your life that will pass, the ones that will leave a mark, the ones who will just be; and the ones you will cherish for eternity. They do more then know you inside out and upside down. They push you and excite you and love your love. Their aura touches yours and its more then speaking and listening, but your bodies unconscious decision to bring your soul closer to theirs; Because they fit.

I am fortunate enough to have some people like that in my life. Though our physical journey may be different in the future, our spirits remain close, and the lessons learnt from not our wisdom - but the present continuing experience of each others journey's will become part of a snowballing past time, that left us smiling. Simultaneously we live. With joy, love, peace and more love.

God bless.

xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxo :D :D :D :D

I fell in love with a wooden man
with chipped edges, apathy and a cold rough hand.
His soul was hidden with a youthful boy,
so I frustratingly trampled his heart like a toy.
Fearing the empty, the nothing, the doubt;
it was when I left him, that his liquid poured out
....slowley tortured him as I lied,
cracked him and left him to die.
His roses wilted, his letters re-read,
his heart still beats in my tormented head.

Up in air.

So Phuket has been and gone.
If it does one thing, it confirms my happiness this year. The year of change. That things will be obscure and unusual. The new people I met, the talks Ive had, things Ive seen and words Ive heard, has altered me the slightest; to be me. A little more me then I was.
Phuket was real fun, and made me appreciate Asia, before my opinion of it was narrow and bleak They are good people with a hard life, working their days FOR tourist- 24/7- for tourist to eat, play, dance and sleep. I felt selfish, coming here to enjoy myself on their constant labour. I get so mad when life isn't lived, but for them its the only life they can live. Its never-ending, hard and degrading. Begging for money to feed their family, but never being with their family because they need to work for it.
Australia had legislation trialed for longer shopping hours....these people never had a choice, even if legislation was to be passed- the tourist shop till late, and wake up early- as do they. It was sad to see wasted lives dedicated to making money. Money, money, money! God, how I resent that idea, it steals lives, corrupts souls and creates greed; and without it the world couldn't function- fancy that.

I was glad to see that there wasn't so many stray dogs there too- unlike Mauritius. Self-centred it may be to not want to see them KNOWING they are out there, if not here then another place- it just kills me to see animals abused, alone and being completely disabled from helping them. Making them happy. The little I saw were surprisingly well-fed, and when Melanie and I tried to feed it a meal, it didn't seem too eager, I would like to think its because other have already fed it.... or maybe that's me being naive.
There was one dog however, in the middle of the nightlife, with idiotic drunken tourist spinning around it, prostitutes parading through, and horny, perverted men scrounging for their next meal, pushing it away. There it was. The dog looked beautiful, like it would fit perfectly in a suburban home life, with a tire swing and children running to it after school, happy to see it jump. But there it was. Limping, urinating on itself and sad, it was the worse feeling in the world. To be physically able to help it, feed it, comfort it- excite its energy and warm its poor wounded heart, but also to not be able to. Through all the chaos and noise I walked past it, turning my back to a soul in need. I haven't stopped thinking about its sad-looking face for days- god crying as I type! Its just that feeling, that horrible regretful feeling, where you make up scenarios in your head, ones where you did the good thing, and satisfied that sickening feeling burning in your stomach, like you turned your back on a life- for what? for who? My friends would have tried to stop me, people would have yelled at me for touching a stray...but so what! I would have HELPED someone, someone that would find it more grateful than any of those stupid people around it. But I walked. I walked past it and never saw it again.

Ignorance is bliss, but it isn't justice.
I always thought I was strong enough, enough to try, to not be complacent and BE ACTIVE. Disappointment in yourself feels sooo bad; and a blog post doesn't even things out.

2010

I always thought of myself as one to take risk; a risk taker as such.
However today at work I was making yet another soya strawberry milkshake, and I thought to myself, 'go on, get another flavour....you always have strawberry, you have no idea what the others taste like.....go crazy, take a risk, be a risk taker.'
I thought MY GOSH If my idea of risk taking is changing my milkshake flavour, then maybe im not what I think I am. All the ideas of me in my head, a philosopher, an activist, a painter. Well am I any of them? Am I a philosopher! Am I an activist! Am I an artist!?
Maybe I say cause I want to be all this... this is who I want Kasia to be. But then what am I now- not me? Am I witholding the person I want to be for a reason? Too lazy, too immature?

I want to untie myself from the chains I dont see but feel, I need to stop cementing myself to the ground when I know I can jump. This year will be great, full of changes and new life. I cant go into it fallen apart, this year needs all my courage, faith and love to come out of it happier then when I went in.

I hope I jump.

x x x x